In Episode 023 of Playfully Faith Parenting, we talk about showing your kids the unconditional love of God through their misbehaviors.
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Show Notes
Episode Summary:
Let’s look at the second message of the Connected Families Framework: You are LOVED no matter what. With this message, we need to look below our kids’ behavior to what it is like to be our kids? We can then have more empathy and see our kids and their needs.
Through this message, we give our kids a glimpse of God’s incredible and unconditional love. Our children get to experience that our love is not dependent on their behavior – good or bad. That is HUGE!!!
Verses from the episode:
Deuteronomy 6:4-9
Romans 8:38-39
Links from the episode:
(This may contain some affiliate links, which means I receive a small commission, at no extra cost to you, if you make a purchase using these links. For more information, please see my disclosure policy.)
Connected Families on Instagram
How to Grow a Connected Family (book)
Discipline that Connects with Your Child’s Heart (book)
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Transcript
Here is a rough transcript of Playfully Faithful Parenting Episode 23 – Unconditional Love for Misbehaving Kids. This isn’t meant to be pretty and perfect but is here as a resource for those who want it.
Hey mamas. Welcome back to playfully faithful parenting. I am so excited, you’re here today and we are coming back to our third episode in the connected family’s series. It’s a once-a-month series as we go through the four messages of the connected family’s framework. So last time we talked about the foundation of the connected families framework and that is the message you are safe with me.
And so it was all about what is going on in me and getting myself in a good spot with Jesus and in my identity. So that when I go into parenting, my parenting is about the kid and is not about me, right? So we don’t want to be bringing our baggage into our relationship, with our kids, and our discipline efforts.
And so that way we can focus on being the best representation of God’s love for our kids and we can practice that by being calm. And having a nice kind loving face being respectful, practicing do-overs with ourself. All of that is in that foundation of being a safe person for our kids, emotionally physically and spiritually.
And that is just, I mean, that’s the foundation. And so, everything else in their framework, builds off of that and that is just one of the things that I love about connected families because even in my definition of spiritual parenting or Christian parenting, it all comes from our own faith and it’s about walking with kids and introducing them to Jesus through play and our own authentic walk with Christ in Deuteronomy 6.
It says, you know, to love the Lord, your God with all your heart. With all your souls, all your strength and and and that comes before where it tells us to teach our kids about God first, we love God with every thing that we are and then we are in a place to be able to introduce our kids to God and teach them about Jesus.
And it’s the same way with connected family’s framework is that first we get, right? And then we can begin to offer this connection with our kids in a loving way. And so the second step of the framework, which I’m a visual person. So you can’t see this, but I keep looking over to my left at.
I have a small postcard that has their framework. I also have a magnet on my fridge, so if you go to the connected families website, they have, I believe, it’s like five dollars. And I think that includes shipping, a magnet of their framework and it has a Bible, verse the word of that level of the framework and the message.
So, highly recommend it. Love having that around in a couple different places in my house. And so, like I said, it’s here. I’ve got one here my desk. I’ve got one on our fridge. Our magnet on the fridge. And so, it’s just so helpful. So if that is something that’s been official to you, check out the link to the connected family’s website in the show notes.
So anyhow, today is message, I think it is, my favorite. It is, you are loved no matter what and of the form messages, I think this is the one that I verbalize the most to my kids. And for me it really it hits me just from my own story.
It’s not something that I have always experienced feeling, and so that message he’s just, really has always been really important for my kids to know that they are not only loved no matter what but they are liked and that I delight in them and enjoy them. And so yes.
So this message you are loved to know matter what it’s really powerful and just even as an adult from me to experience here and experience that message with different people and in different situations, and being reminded of it from from God, even is just so impactful. And so I know that building my kids hearts on that.
I just I I’m praying that it will sink in and that that will not be something that they will ever have to question for my there are me and and God that because that’s all I can control right? Is how they feel how I want them to feel is like the message that I want to send.
And so that is the message that I want to send. I cannot control how they receive that message. And that is part of what doing this connection is is that we we just do our best, we can only control ourselves me. I can only control what I do and I can love my kids to the best of my ability and then just allow them the space to receive it as needed and because if I do something only to receive a certain response back like if I’m only going to love them unconditionally to try to get them to behave, then that’s conditional.
And so really, Coming. It comes back to what’s going on with me and being safe and that we love them regardless of how they respond to that love and we just do the best we can. And so, while the foundation of you are safe with me, asks, the question.08:30What’s going on with me? You are loved to know matter. What begins to ask the question? What is going on in my child? And I have to be careful when I say that, sometimes because I know I can have a tendency when things are going crazy with my kid to say, what is going on with my child, like what is going on with them, instead of what is going on in them.
And so then I begin looking at the problem instead of looking at what my child is trying to communicate. So I’m looking I’ve instead of looking at the behavior, as the problem looking deeper and trying to discover, what is the problem that is causing the behavior as opposed to what is the behavior?
What is the problems caused by the behavior? And so like what is it like to be my kid? What is going on at this moment in whatever kind of misbehavior that they are trying to communicate? And I think there are, there are so many things, right? So, that are going on with our kids, it’s tough to be little.
And it’s whether little is one year old or 17 years old. It’s tough life is hard and learning and growing and learning to communicate our needs. No matter, your age can be really difficult and so, obviously, I can’t share everything about this message. And this part of the framework of connecting with your child to just in the short episode.
And so, highly suggest, and invite you to, to look deeper into connected families and also beginning in January, I am booking clients for coaching clients. So if you would like to receive coaching, I’m still in my certification program but I want to offer the first five families. I’m almost done with my first clients and and so, I have been told, I am able to continue with new clients which is so excited, exciting.
And I cannot tell you what a privilege it is been to just walk through this framework with this family and just to see the way the Holy Spirit is working in them and just to be a part of that is so incredible. And so I’m really excited to do that with more families.
If you would love to have someone to guide you through the framework, I would love to be that person. And so first five clients that I book will have a special introductory price, you can email me at joy at created to play.com and we can talk about that more and and I I’m just so excited and I really hope to equip and encourage families to be able to connect and love their kids well and to just work through discipline in such a godly and loving way.
Um, but anyhow, so back to you, this message of connection and loving our kids, know matter what. So, in this level of the framework, we’re really looking at what is going on in our kids. And sometimes there are physical factors. Like, do your kids always melt down before bed time or 45 minutes before dinner?
Like looking for those physical factors and helping recognize the pattern so that we can then, teach our kids, our bodies tell us what we need sometimes. And so maybe your body is telling you that you’re tired, and you need to go to bed and just teaching our kids, how to learn to listen, to our bodies or your body is hungry, or you’re thirsty.
And you, or you need to calm down, or you need to use some energy. But like looking for patterns of those physical factors and helping our kids to learn what is going on in their bodies, and that can really be a way of them learning to love themselves. Take care of them themselves and also by recognizing those things it can help us to have empathy in those situations and to love them better.
When we can take away the behavior and see, my kids just hungry or okay, it’s six o’clock. My kids are gonna start melting down, let’s get bedtime going and when we can change those expectations and begin to recognize those patterns, it can help us to be more loving in those ways.
And really, when we are struggling, when we are hurting, when we are in pain, when we are misbehaving are really. The only time that we can best experience on conditional love. And so if we can learn as parents to love our kids, in those tough times, in ways, that show them that they are loved beyond any emotions, any behaviors that they throw at us, that it can help them to truly experience unconditional love.
And there’s just so much power in that and it is such a beautiful reflection of how God loves us when we can love our kids. Well, during their misbehavior. And again, it starts with us controlling ourselves and knowing what’s going on in me so that we can be a safe person.
And then delighting in our kids and showing them that they are loved. And they are liked. I know I’ve mentioned it before but one of the things that helps me in with this and combining this with the foundation is to have a fun song that when my kids are misbehaving and I feel like I am going to lose it.
I think about Zephaniah 3:17 and think about God delighting in us and how one of the ways that he shows us it says you sings over us and so we put on put on a song on Alexa and then it helps to from me to just delight in my kids to enjoy them and to show them that and for them to experience that, and it just turns things around.
And one of the things that I have recently experienced with this message of your loved, no matter. What is one of my twins? She and the three-year-old recently were playing with in the tool drawer, which they’re not supposed to be in there. But she came out of the laundry room out of the the tall drawer and came in told me and said, mommy, I know, you love me, no matter what.
And so I willing to tell you that even though I’m not supposed to I was playing in the tool drawer with Saila and she said, but I know you love me no matter what. So I can tell you that and it was just like just to know that she at four gets that message and that she felt safe enough to confess that to me was really powerful, really moving for me and it was something I wanted to celebrate.
And I was so blessed by that, and just so grateful to connected families for having taught me a better way to really communicate that message. And that just saying the words is not enough, but just having the whole framework has created opportunities in an environment for my daughter to really experience that unconditional love.
And when our kids are connected to us, they want to please us. They want to be open with us and so I’m just I’m so grateful and so excited to be able to bring this to other families as well because it’s working. It’s working for us, it’s working for me.
And I feel like a better parent. Not that I’m doing everything right. I still mess up but I have been so much more open to the Holy Spirit and my parenting and it is because of the framework and the work that I’ve been encouraged to do through parent coaching, and the coaching certification program, and their podcast, and the books and the courses.
So I’m going to close today by reading to you and adaptation of Romans 8:38 and 39, and this is available as a free download on the connected families website. So it says, you are loved, no matter what for, I am convinced that neither arguing nor defiance. No, there’s sibling conflict nor disrespect another bad grades, nor failure, neither whining nor lying.
Another forgetfulness nor messes nor any other misbehavior will be able to separate you from my love or God’s amazing love. And it’s just such a beautiful reminder, and we will fail as parents and, but God doesn’t. And so when we can give our kids glimpses of God’s love through our parenting, we are really making an impact on them, on their lives, on their eternity and this connection that we can build with our kids through, so many ways.
Play being my favorite obviously, is so important. And you have the privilege to do this important work every day with your kids. And so, on behalf of God, thank you for loving and playing with his kids. Merry Christmas moms and it’s this weekend. Stay tuned for our last bonus episode coming out on Wednesday moms. I’m just so grateful for you and the work you do with your kids and we will see you next week. Bye.
